I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do vagina's smell?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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