you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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