And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
