i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
