either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
