I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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