I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
