your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
