I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
