Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
nutella sex= disaster
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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