ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
