there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
