I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Will you blow on my dice?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
