He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
two words: eviction party
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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