tell your sister to shave her snatch
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
