oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
