Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
