Where did you get a picture of my penis
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
