Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
