butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
