Whod you bang
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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