I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's blow job season.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
