there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
