I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
