Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
