well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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