I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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