if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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