my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
