Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
