im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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