If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
