college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
