matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
