my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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