i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
