if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
