it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
