sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
