its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
