on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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