super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
