Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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