just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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