his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
