dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
