swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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