mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
