and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
