i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
