Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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