you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
