I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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